Flight attendants are like little kids. They run around frantically smiling for no reason. You can force them to do what you want, and when you visit their family, they stand by the door to say “Thank you”. Anyway it is always easy for a flight attendant to piss you off(again a kid like trait). I mean how hard is it to bring me a cup of coffee with 2 spoons of sugar, low fat milk with just a dab of lemon enriched pistachio flavouring, heated for exactly 47 seconds. Till date those idiots mess up my in-flight coffee.
Hey people this is the third post of a new weekly series called “Saturday Top 5”. I guess the title is self explanatory and anyway, it shall be on a pilot basis. Here’s the second post of the series(LINK).Please leave your feedback about the idea and suggestions as well for the next post in the series
Moving on, as I sat on a two hour Mumbai Delhi flight, I came up with this list. A list of the top 5 things you can do to annoy that hot but bitchy air hostess!
1. Press the attendant button and say you were reaching for the light
Now this one is superb to use and easy to execute. All you’ve got to do is reach up for anyone of those weird looking buttons, but make sure you press the flight attendant button. You’ll know it’s correct when you hear a cross between a BEEP and a PING and the flight attendant runs towards you like Kajol ran towards SRK in DDLJ
2. Ask to see the cockpit
Nothing, absolutely nothing pisses off a flight attendant more than a grown ass person asking them to see the cockpit. Pester them with questions and requests and they are bound to crack. If you want, you can call them “Uncle” or “Aunty” (Remember the male is the uncle and the female is the aunty. Mixing them up can annoy them to a disastrous level) and ask with a puppy face!
3. Have a panic attack
This requires thodaacting skills to pull off. You can have a panic attack over anything. Start pointing randomly at things and scream “BOMB” or keep asking them if the left engine is working or if the right wing is functioning or not. Preferably do it in a loud voice with a shriek. Throw in some sobs and you’re golden!
4. Talk to them in your native language
Start blabbering in your native tounge at breakneck speed. A smart, efficient way to annoy anyone including flight attendants. Be loud, abrasive and brash. Nothing annoys people more than taro naam su che? Or a Tujha Aai Cha!
Whatever they bring to you, ask them if it is free. Water, chocolates, tissues, anything. And if it is free, keep asking them to get it more. Come on! You’re not a true Indian if you do not see freebies and grab them. I once drank 5 cups of coffee aboard a flight when they told me that it was free! The part that annoyed them was that I kept sending them back to get more. This works best if you have a seat in the middle rows!
So Amigos, with that we have come to the end of another “Saturday Top 5”.
On a very serious note, I would sincerely like your feedback on the entire series because the next post shall be the end of the pilot and I would not continue with this series unless people like it. With that said, Adios!