Hey people this is the fourth post of a new weekly series called “Saturday Top 5”. I guess the title is self explanatory and anyway, it shall be on a pilot basis. Here’s the last post of the series(LINK).Please leave your feedback about the idea and suggestions as well for the next post in the series
Each one of us has that friend who supposedly has impeccable grammatical skills and is colloquially known as the “Grammar Nazi” of your group. Now these ticks have always acted like savants and bugged you endlessly. I’m sure each one of you, on at least more than one occasion, has been interrupted mid-sentence because of a stupid grammar rule. OR you definitely have been thrown off topic when a serious chat message is responded to with a chiding for a missing comma.
Remember those Value Education lessons where we were taught to give back to society in the same terms it has given it to us. Well I say we take it one step forward and stick it back to these fanatics. We bring to you the top 5 ways to make a Grammar Nazi cringe and basically make their life living hell.
1. The “Their, There and They’re” rule
Okay so this one is an instant killer. Simply interchange these three similar sounding words and Grammar Nazis become as angry as a guy whose Xbox was just wrecked or as pissed as a girl when you ask her if Blair from Gossip Girl is a dude. For a better effect, use all 3 of them in a sentence, but just in the wrong places
Example- “There from Uttar Pradesh and they’re hometown is also their”
2. Later and Latter
I personally have used this one unwittingly and it works like a charm. Skip a “t” and it will hit a Grammar Nazi like scalding tea(I AM NOT GOING TO APOLOGISE FOR THIS SAD JOKE). My draft reader probably has a template saved on her phone which reads “GUPTA! It’s latter and NOT later”. But this works only in isolation and overdoing this may not cause as much damage as intended. Although coupling this with the other methods can prove to be a game changer.
3.It’s its but its not it’s
Now this is a tricky one. It’s denotes it is or it has and maybe something else as well while its denotes possession. This sentence passed the grammar check of Microsoft Word so if any fanatic is reading this and losing their brains, good for me but please sue Bill Gates. To everyone else, imagine the trouble an average person would experience while reading the first sentence. Now make it grammatically null and you’ll have the remote control to a Grammar Nazi’s mental anguish. Use them in place of each other and you’ve struck gold!
4.Comma laga ke rakhna
Now this is a bit odd for the simple fact that it often backfires because a missing comma often results in a foot-in-mouth like situation or as I like to call it, an “Ass-Aram” moment. And yes I found this funny. Anyway, the absence of a comma can simply wreck havoc on a Grammar Nazi as he or she grabs their hair in frustration and search for some rat poison. Do the world a favour and send them a bottle beforehand.
5.tYpIn lyk dis
Unfortunately, a wide majority of today’s teenage society finds it kewl 2 tYp lyk dis cozzz itz kINdA hiP *Insert wink smiley, tongue out smiley, laugh smiley, smile smiley, big smile smiley and of course a LOL and a ROTFL*
This pisses off almost everyone, ranging from sane people to even people like Rahul Gandhi, whom I cannot refer to as insane as I fear a defamation case by the Agra mental asylum. Anyway, it does tick off Grammar savants as well because of the simple fact that this is not even proper language rather than a sentence which follows a proper grammatical structure.
So folks, this is all I have this week. To all Grammar Nazis, I love you guys and no offense meant*
*Hey all non-grammar Nazis, notice how I used offense in place of offence.That’s the secret sixth tip **DO EVIL LAUGH