Top 5 Weirdos Aboard A Mumbai Local

Hey people this is the sixth post of a new weekly series called “Saturday Top 5”. I guess the title is self explanatory and anyway, it shall be on a pilot basis due to a great response,this will be a regular series . Here’s the last post of the series(LINK).Please leave your feedback about the idea and suggestions as well for the next post in the series

If you are from Mumbai(No Thane is not in Mumbai but for this post, yeah whatever), you must have traveled on those ultra modern trains which zip from one end of the city to the other without the nonsense of being traffucked on the road. Well this is the description we give to our friends who are non-Mumbaikars. Here’s a scoop on the inside tale, as I state the description of the top 5 weird idiots I found on a Mumbai Local

1. The kewl uncle

He’s that middle aged guy with a lot of hair who owns a high end smart phone and a huge tablet which he whips out even on a jam-packed Virar fast to play Subway Surfers. Never mind the fact that he sucks at it. In all probability, he’ll definitely be Gujju, with flashy formals who “oohs” and “aahs” at every jump

2.The kewl kid


Now this is the chutiya who’ll be wearing fake Beats Audio Headphones, the size of Khali’s head. Mostly in either a Che Guevara t-shirt or some cheesy pathetic lines like “I’m a stud. Problem?” They’ll play some downright disastrous music and/or talk to their friends over the phone, abusing in mostly Marathi

3.The newspaper uncle

Now this is that one guy who carries newspapers. Tons of newspapers. He’ll probably be a person who boards from Virar,Churchgate or Borivali. He’ll carry even vernacular newspapers, just to hold his title of “Newspaper man” even though he can’t read them. If you’re lucky enough that the person is carrying a sensible newspaper with content in a language you understand (No, Mumbai Mirror doesn’t count), you can try sneaking in a few peaks but be prepared for some dirty looks

4.The virgin

Every day, every hour, every train has a person who’s losing his train virginity. He’ll awkwardly paw about the compartment before he prematurely ejaculates from the compartment onto a station he never intended to get down at. These people can be recognised by their appalled expressions on climbing a Virar Fast at 6.13 PM and some extremely stupid questions like “Andheri ke baad kaunse station hai?” Or “Charni Road kis side aata hai?” Or “This seat is meant for 3 people.Char already baithen hain.WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ADJUST?” .Oh I completely forgot the classic case where they fall asleep and wake up in exotic new lands which they haven’t even heard of like “Daisar”
5.The survivors of Corporate War
Now these are those smartasses who give the term corporate-whores a new spin altogether. They board the train as if they own it, conclude deals worth lakhs over phone calls with funny sounding Gujju accents( Try this for some entertainment- “Aye bhai!Hoon snakes par boliyo ne trann lakh” which translates to Hey Dude! I said 3 lakhs over snacks!)

They complain about the weird smells on the train. They complain about the people aboard the trains. They complain about the frequent pauses the train takes. But those idiots will never sell off that Rolex they wear to buy a car for travelling. Sigh
That’s all for now. If you liked it, so go mad with the sharing!

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