So as part of my resolutions for 2018, I have decided that I shall be writing something everyday, a minimum of 200 words. I’ve become quite lazy when it comes to writing in the past few years, and I figured this would kick me into action. I think that’s enough of an introduction, and I’ll jump directly to what I wanted to write.
I have been experiencing a very strange feeling ever since 2018 kicked in. Have you ever felt that you’re in love with being in love, without being in love with someone. Perhaps that’s what craving for companionship means. To be honest, I don’t even know what this is. It definitely is not lust, not in its entirety. It’s not me falling for someone, and experiencing a bloom of feelings. It’s just…me having feelings of a romantic kind, towards someone. Now who that person is, I don’t know, I genuinely don’t. What bothers me is that I don’t know what to make of this. Should I be proud? Proud of the fact that I can successfully experience a surge of positive emotions without necessarily aiming them towards a particular person? Should I be sad and miserable about the fact that I literally do not have a romantic interest to share this with? Should I be terrified of the person I’m becoming? After all, it is a dangerous ability this, to experience love at one’s desire and choosing, one with tremendous potential for misuse, and with an almost insatiable ability to cause emotional hurt to oneself, and others.
As I end this, I would like to believe that there is someone out there, who is feeling exactly this, and is obsessing over what she’s going through. That thought brings a broad smile to my face.